When my son started P1, nobody expected him to already know the curriculum. New building, new teacher, new classmates, a whole load of things he’d never touched. That’s the point of going.

But somewhere along the way, most of us stopped allowing ourselves that.

You think you should already know how to rest

Somewhere you decided you should already know how to switch off. How to come down from a hard day. How to stop carrying the school run, the inbox, the dinner and everyone else’s mood in your chest at the same time.

Nobody taught you that. You’ve just been muscling through and calling it coping.

Coping isn’t the same as coming down

So you white-knuckle it. A bath if you’re lucky, wine if you’re honest, scrolling if you’re tired.

None of those are crimes. But none of them tell your nervous system it’s safe to stand down. So it does what it’s always done and stays switched on, because nobody ever showed you where the off switch is. If you want to know why, read stress isn’t a thinking problem.

Rest is a skill, and skills can be learned

Switching off isn’t a personality trait some people are born with. It’s a set of small, physical things you practise until your body knows them. Here are three to start with.

1. Orient to the room

Slowly look around wherever you are. Let your eyes land on a few ordinary things: the door, a window, a mug. Turn your head as well as your eyes. It takes thirty seconds and it tells your nervous system there’s nothing here to brace against.

2. Make the out-breath longer

Breathe in through your nose for four, hold gently for seven, and breathe out slowly through your mouth for eight. That’s 4-7-8 breathing. Four rounds is plenty. It’s the one I use myself at 4am when my head won’t switch off.

3. Put a full stop on the day

Pick one thing you do every evening, taking off your work shoes, closing the laptop, putting the kettle on, and make it your signal. Three slow breaths every time you do it. Over time your body learns that this is where the day ends.

Keep any breath practice gentle. If you feel lightheaded, go back to normal breathing.

Nobody starts already knowing

If you’d like to learn this properly, with someone showing you how, Fight or Flight Club is six weeks of exactly this. One practical somatic tool a week to get your nervous system out of fight, flight or freeze and back to steady. No experience needed.

Nobody starts already knowing how to rest. That’s what learning is for.

Victoria